Fanfic: Ghosts (Fullmetal Alchemist)

[nebroadwe]

Title: Drabble: Ghosts
Fandom: FMA (compatible with both the manga and the anime versions)
Character(s): Pinako, Al, Ed
Pairing(s): None
Rating: G
Word Count: 100
Warnings: None.
A/N: Not sure where all these short pieces keep coming from; this one appears to be seasonal, reflecting the Halloween/All Saints/All Souls triad just passed. Crossposted from nebroadwe to Höllenbeck (i.e. hagaren_manga, fm_alchemist, fullservicefma, fma_gen, fma_writers, and fma_fiction).
Dedication: For Dave. Requiescat in pace.

---

      "Granny?"

      The whisper isn't even as loud as the tentative tap it follows, but Al's voice yanks Pinako right out of bed and over to the door in her nightdress. "What is it, child?"

      He's nothing but eyes since the funeral, though she's tried to keep him fed and occupied. "I thought I saw a ghost."

      She puts both hands firmly on his shoulders. "There's no such thing as ghosts."

      Al bursts into tears. Ten seconds later, Ed erupts into the hall, pulling him away. "I told you not to ask her!" he scolds.

      Dammit. Rebuked, Pinako bites her tongue.

---

Note: This drabble is currently undergoing revisions (see comments below for an explanation). I believe in teaching the conflict, so let me say that the final paragraph has proved problematic. The phrasing of Pinako's realization needs to convey a sense of "oops!" and guilt, which it wasn't doing. Here's the sequence of choices leading to the current version:

Draft: "Abruptly enlightened, Pinako bites her tongue."
Initial post: "Catching on, Pinako bites her tongue."
First revision: "Dammit. Rebuked, Pinako bites her tongue."
Concrit appreciated. Drabbles aren't easy to do well.

[Disclaimers: Fullmetal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) was created by Arakawa Hiromu and is serialized monthly in Shonen Gangan (Square Enix); the anime of the same title was directed by Mizushima Seiji and story-edited by Aikawa Sho. Copyright for these properties is held by Arakawa Hiromu, Square Enix, Mainichi Broadcasting System, Aniplex, Bones, and dentsu. All rights reserved.]

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Very sweet.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

I admit it: "*snicker* wasn't quiiite the reaction I was expecting to this, but I guess Pinako in a nightgown is worth one. :-)

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. That was my thought, actually. Pinako, nightgown, Ed irritated that Al'd said something...*snicker*

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

[rereads drabble and comment] Dagnabit. I think I get it now. Talk about unintended consequences -- you didn't happen to think Ed was pulling a prank on Al, did you?

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

...you mean he wasn't?

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Not this time, nope. This is Protective Ed, not Snarky Ed. Or at least it was supposed to be. (See enormous honking comment thread for details.)

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I actually did read that while I was on lunch. Oh, well, different interpretations and all; you just KNOW Shakespeare is rolling in his grave, saying, "No, no, Romeo and Juliet is a COMEDY."

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

At which point Burbage puts an arm around his shoulders and says, "Will, my friend, you're bucking the theatrical verities. Comedies end with a marriage; tragedies, with a death. Besides, what d'you care what they call it, as long as the receipts keep rolling in?" :-)

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

"Just because the marriage came in the middle...."

*snicker*