Fanfic: Telephone (Fullmetal Alchemist)

[nebroadwe]

Title: Drabbles: Telephone
Fandom: FMA (manga version)
Character(s): Winry
Pairing: very early, one-sided(?) Winry/Ed
Rating: G
Word Count: 300
Warnings: Implicit spoilers for chapters 56 and 64.
A/N: Three drabbles about Winry that bunnied earlier today as I was thinking about my in-progress fic "Errands of the Eye" (aka "Winry and Paninya go to the movies"), which is by-golly going to get finished someday! Consider this a kind of preview. These drabbles are only my second sidling approach to romance; concrit welcomed with the ringing of bells and the freedom of the city. Crossposted from nebroadwe to Höllenbeck (i.e. hagaren_manga, fm_alchemist, fullservicefma, fma_het, fma_writers, fma_fiction, winrylovers and ed_winry).
Dedication: For tobu_ishi, master of the romantic drabble.

---

Dial Tone

Automail is a noisy business. Every competent engineer learns to sift sounds of order (or incipient disorder) from cacophony. Winry knows she's competent, but lately her ears trick her: she hears the telephone bell in the overtones of drills and saws, screaming as they bite into steel, in their motors' burring whine and even in the forge's hiss and clang. One morning she woke trying to answer her alarm clock, which was just embarrassing. Garfiel worries her about tinnitus when not teasing her about absence's effects.

Sometimes she wishes they hadn't called. Mostly, she wonders whether to call him back.

≈
Voice Message

Sensation is automail's Philosopher's Stone. Engineering makes the lame leap like a stag; why shouldn't it give sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf? So Winry sketches the human ear: the tympana, the ossicles, the petrous labyrinth. Do sounds, she wonders, ever get lost in there, never reaching the vestibulocochlear nerve? Is that why she still hears his words (Are you all right?) as clear and puzzling as they were that day -- and as warming?

She snorts and crumples the sketch, ignoring her own blush. I hear what you said, Edward Elric. Why can't I hear what you meant?

≈
Disconnected

Winry stares at the disassembled knee on her workbench, but sees the wall by the telephone and the calendar with its picture of snow-streaked mountains brooding over an autumn forest. That's that. They're off again. Next time they call, it'll be because Ed's leg's too short or his elbow's seized up or ...

She won't think about "or". Ed's disregard for her masterworks is enough to make a dedicated engineer weep, but at least the repair bills pay her apprenticeship fees. And he'll always need his mechanic, her mind whispers.

The next time the telephone rings, she lets Garfiel answer it.

[Disclaimers: Fullmetal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) was created by Arakawa Hiromu and is serialized monthly in Shonen Gangan (Square Enix). Copyright for this property is held by Arakawa Hiromu and Square Enix. All rights reserved.]

Comments

[light-rises.livejournal.com]

Ah, well-written Winry introspection… ♥ One of my weaknesses, alas. And it still amazes me sometimes how deceptively simple, small, teasing snippets into a character's head can speak so much when the material suits the format. Hooray for drabbles and other various short forms of prose!

The understated approach to Ed/Win is much love, too—mostly because the narrative doesn't have Winry's line of thought fixated primarily on Ed (as I've seen some Ed/Win authors writing from Winry's POV do, and sometimes not to the best effect…), but rather gives the distinct impression that her life outside the Elric brothers is her immediate priority. She worries, of course, and those unresolved feelings toward Ed are always lurking just under the surface, but she doesn't remain lost in her thoughts for long stretches when she's got other things to tend to. I especially love how that comes across here.^^

*blinks*…I do believe "Voice Message" is giving me flashbacks to high school Anatomy. Good times. Gooood times. ;)

On a less tough-and-cheek note, though, I do agree that the second drabble is slightly garbled. The only specific that comes mind is that maybe the jump between the first two sentences and Winry's sketching is too jarring. It's as though they're a bit too far removed from the thoughts in sentence three onward, which all have a nice, natural flow from one into the next. Other than that (and even then I may be stretching *scratches head*)…again, author's discretion! :)

(*…suddenly realizes she never replied back to your comments on Tick-Tock* *facepalm* Ugh…sometimes, I wish school and work didn't thrash me so thoroughly as they have been of late. Sorry 'bout that. *sheepish grin*)

But, yes. On the whole, applause all around for some lovely introspective work here! *bows and also adds to the tobu_ishi love* :D

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Ah, well-written Winry introspection… ♥ One of my weaknesses, alas.

Seems to be a number of people's. I love getting lots and lots of comments. [hugs self and hums happily]

The understated approach to Ed/Win is much love, too—mostly because the narrative doesn't have Winry's line of thought fixated primarily on Ed (as I've seen some Ed/Win authors writing from Winry's POV do, and sometimes not to the best effect…), but rather gives the distinct impression that her life outside the Elric brothers is her immediate priority. She worries, of course, and those unresolved feelings toward Ed are always lurking just under the surface, but she doesn't remain lost in her thoughts for long stretches when she's got other things to tend to.

I agree. FMA's a shounen story and shounen romance does it with subtext, which I love. I have much more fun when I can drop hints and let the reader draw the conclusions (the Balance of Power (http://community.livejournal.com/c_b_s/) people will tell you that I'm a real nuisance when it comes to beta-reading: I keep insisting that they stop telling me things :-). And despite both Ed and Winry being sixteen at this point, relationships just aren't at the head of the queue for them, as they frequently aren't for people with a high-level talent. They're busy developing said talent (and Ed has other issues, of course, which is probably why he's slower off the blocks than she is -- in addition to being male, of course ;-).

On a less tough-and-cheek note, though, I do agree that the second drabble is slightly garbled. The only specific that comes mind is that maybe the jump between the first two sentences and Winry's sketching is too jarring.

That wasn't what was in the top of my mind, but once you said it I realized that it had been niggling me at the back. The causal connection between those two sentences was implicit and probably shouldn't be. Fortunately, I had a stray word I could sacrifice to add a "so" to the "Winry sketches" sentence that allows me to pivot (I hope) more gracefully from the narrator's voice (cribbing Biblical quotations -- what can I say? I'm an English major) to Winry's actions to her interior POV. Improved?

…suddenly realizes she never replied back to your comments on Tick-Tock* *facepalm*

No worries. I'm back in school myself this semester, taking Japanese 001. I haven't taken a course for a grade in [thinks] eleven years; I hadn't quite forgotten how much time homework eats out of one's life, though.

*bows and also adds to the tobu_ishi love* :D

tobu_ishi cannot get enough love, IMO. :-)

Peace!

[light-rises.livejournal.com]

I love getting lots and lots of comments. [hugs self and hums happily]

Feedback is love, and deservedly prone to giving folks the warm and fuzzies. ^^

FMA's a shounen story and shounen romance does it with subtext, which I love. I have much more fun when I can drop hints and let the reader draw the conclusions (the Balance of Power people will tell you that I'm a real nuisance when it comes to beta-reading: I keep insisting that they stop telling me things :-).

Heh, much agreement there! I find that I tend to gravitate toward stories that have "a little bit of everything" anyway (provided that most of those elements are done well and come together cohesively), and I'm also usually not big on romance-centric stories unless they blow me away with strong characterization and/or the discreetness with which the romance is approached (allowing that different pairings require different levels of subtlety). As much as I enjoy Ed/Win and would like to see those two happy together, I'll take The Alchemologist -- bittersweet, unrequited love and all -- any day over most of the fluffy fics I've come across. As you said, both Winry and Ed have enough on their plates as it is for various reasons, and Ed has his own share of personal demons/issues he needs to come to grips with before he's even ready for that sort of relationship. (On the plus side, though, his manga counterpart seems to be in better mental shape towards this end than in the anime, so there's hope for the boy yet!) So for me, a decent level of subtlety makes much more sense in pairing these two, especially in animeverse.

(And personally, it wouldn't break my heart if Ed and Winry never got together -- their friendship [Al included!] as this tight-knit group of pseudo-siblings is wonderful and interesting as it is, and whether referring to Arakawa's or Mizushima's version of the story, romance is not FMA's focus or core anyway. Which may be why one of my "FMA Thou Shalt Not's" goes: "Thou shalt not write long and involved Ed/Win fics which give the impression that Al (a) is unimportant or (b) never existed. Winry cares deeply about both Elric brothers however you interpret their relationship, and to dismiss Ed and Al's strong fraternal bond -- which is the heart and soul of both manga and anime -- even in the context of a romance effectively removes an essential cornerstone of canon.")

…And here's where I say, "WHOA TANGENT O_O," and claim the need for cathartic release. :D;; Must be an effect of lurking for far too long. Must be. *hides*

That wasn't what was in the top of my mind, but once you said it I realized that it had been niggling me at the back.

*wipes brow* Good to know I wasn't just grasping at straws with that! And yes, I'd say the flow is much improved now. :)

...Waitaminnit, I wrote "tough-and-cheek"?! Have NO idea how I missed that before posting. O_o;;

No worries. I'm back in school myself this semester, taking Japanese 001. I haven't taken a course for a grade in [thinks] eleven years; I hadn't quite forgotten how much time homework eats out of one's life, though.

Hey, you're learning a language that has no basis in Latin whatsoever, and (IIRC) has a grammatical structure completely different from English, so you have all my respect. Good luck with that course!

tobu_ishi cannot get enough love, IMO. :-)

*grins* When someone can write a piece as lovely as Elysium (Glee!) and also have the guts to pen the ruthless but brilliant Catharsis (OHGODNO. D:), I'm inclined to agree.

Eep! And it seems you've indirectly reminded me that I have yet to join winrylovers. *hugs comm* Thank ye!