Fanfic: Telephone (Fullmetal Alchemist)

[nebroadwe]

Title: Drabbles: Telephone
Fandom: FMA (manga version)
Character(s): Winry
Pairing: very early, one-sided(?) Winry/Ed
Rating: G
Word Count: 300
Warnings: Implicit spoilers for chapters 56 and 64.
A/N: Three drabbles about Winry that bunnied earlier today as I was thinking about my in-progress fic "Errands of the Eye" (aka "Winry and Paninya go to the movies"), which is by-golly going to get finished someday! Consider this a kind of preview. These drabbles are only my second sidling approach to romance; concrit welcomed with the ringing of bells and the freedom of the city. Crossposted from nebroadwe to Höllenbeck (i.e. hagaren_manga, fm_alchemist, fullservicefma, fma_het, fma_writers, fma_fiction, winrylovers and ed_winry).
Dedication: For tobu_ishi, master of the romantic drabble.

---

Dial Tone

Automail is a noisy business. Every competent engineer learns to sift sounds of order (or incipient disorder) from cacophony. Winry knows she's competent, but lately her ears trick her: she hears the telephone bell in the overtones of drills and saws, screaming as they bite into steel, in their motors' burring whine and even in the forge's hiss and clang. One morning she woke trying to answer her alarm clock, which was just embarrassing. Garfiel worries her about tinnitus when not teasing her about absence's effects.

Sometimes she wishes they hadn't called. Mostly, she wonders whether to call him back.

≈
Voice Message

Sensation is automail's Philosopher's Stone. Engineering makes the lame leap like a stag; why shouldn't it give sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf? So Winry sketches the human ear: the tympana, the ossicles, the petrous labyrinth. Do sounds, she wonders, ever get lost in there, never reaching the vestibulocochlear nerve? Is that why she still hears his words (Are you all right?) as clear and puzzling as they were that day -- and as warming?

She snorts and crumples the sketch, ignoring her own blush. I hear what you said, Edward Elric. Why can't I hear what you meant?

≈
Disconnected

Winry stares at the disassembled knee on her workbench, but sees the wall by the telephone and the calendar with its picture of snow-streaked mountains brooding over an autumn forest. That's that. They're off again. Next time they call, it'll be because Ed's leg's too short or his elbow's seized up or ...

She won't think about "or". Ed's disregard for her masterworks is enough to make a dedicated engineer weep, but at least the repair bills pay her apprenticeship fees. And he'll always need his mechanic, her mind whispers.

The next time the telephone rings, she lets Garfiel answer it.

[Disclaimers: Fullmetal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) was created by Arakawa Hiromu and is serialized monthly in Shonen Gangan (Square Enix). Copyright for this property is held by Arakawa Hiromu and Square Enix. All rights reserved.]

Comments

[mjules.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, I have a couple Ed/Winry icons, but this one just seemed to fit. *grins*

I loved this! It's just... oh, it's just... yes. *nods* The attention to detail gives it such a wonderful atmosphere and ambience. I'd pick out a favorite part to squee over, but I'd just end up C&P'ing the entire thing. Although I think the part with her sketching the ear might have been my favorite. *nod*

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, I have a couple Ed/Winry icons, but this one just seemed to fit.

Awww. :-)

I loved this! It's just... oh, it's just... yes.

Well, that seems positive. Phew. :-)

I'm stretching myself in all kinds of ways writing 'fic. Dealing with the insides of people-in-love's heads was never something I felt competent to try in my original stuff. And I also didn't want to get too far ahead of the story in the manga: Winry's just had the beginnings of a revelation about her feelings and Ed's still oblivious. [thinks about that] Okay, seven-eighths oblivious and the remaining eighth horrified (viz. his talk with Riza).

... I think the part with her sketching the ear might have been my favorite.

Thank heaven for the Encyclopedia Britannica, which more or less made that drabble by giving me a) a picture of the ear with all the parts labeled; and b) the information that the twisty, bony part of the inner ear has been called, since time immemorial, the labyrinth. Suddenly I knew exactly where those song lyrics that get stuck in your head for days go to rest. :-)

Peace.

[terracottabones.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhh...the poignancy of a good drabble. These are really great! They're so concise and sensitive, with just a touch of romance. I love the last line in Dial Tone, and the "he'll always need his mechanic" in Disconnected. I think I would've liked to hear a little more in Voice Message - just expand some because it's a great idea. Just a feeling.

And as far as sidling approaches to romance go, this is omigosh-wonderful! Bunny luff.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the concrit!

I love the last line in Dial Tone ...

I like using the shifting pronoun trick. Must be careful not to overdo it, however. Memo to self ...

... and the "he'll always need his mechanic" in Disconnected.

Ah, yes, I'm proud of that one. I wanted a line there that was ambiguous as all-get-out: something that could be comforting or hurtful or distancing or simply factual (or any combination of the above) depending on what quality that mental whisper has.

I think I would've liked to hear a little more in Voice Message - just expand some because it's a great idea. Just a feeling.

I decided to stick to the canonical 100-word limit for these, but I'm never sure when I might find myself rebunnied (as I did with my story about Maria Ross, which I thought had written out everything I had to say about her and then spawned five drabbles). Oddly, "Voice Message" has the loosest prose of the three because its base idea was the simplest (or so it seems to me). Although, now I look back at it, I think the central metaphor may be expressed a bit confusingly. Revisions may be in order ...

And as far as sidling approaches to romance go, this is omigosh-wonderful!

Thanks again! I'll keep sidling then, at least until I get the inspiration (and the courage!) to face the romance head on. :-)

Peace.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Much love for these. The implications in Winry's actions and thoughts are so sweet.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Wow. I think my head's gone up a hat size. :-) I'm looking forward to seeing more EdWin from you eventually, myself. Isn't the other half of that tea-party story still hanging fire?

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

...other half of the tea party story? *headcock*

And there will certainly be more EdWin from me. Eventually. *grins*

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Blast. I could've sworn that was yours. Maybe it belongs to cornerofmadness. Set in the mangaverse, just after all the recent revelations about the homunculi, and has Ed and Winry being invited to tea with the Führer for some occasion or other ... all kinds of I-know-you-know-I-know and people tiptoeing delicately around the invitation-as-command and guest-as-hostage situation. I hope whoever-it-was hasn't actually published the end and I just missed it ...

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

OH! That one. For COM's b-day. *makes face at self* Yes. I need to get back to that, too. And I've got ideas. If only I didn't have to work and make money to survive, I could do so much more writing. *laugh*

Never fear, you haven't missed the next installment of that story.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

OH! That one. For COM's b-day.

I'd like to say that I was sure it was yours because of the style, but what I was actually remembering was reading it in the layout of your page (that distinct blueish background color).

If only I didn't have to work and make money to survive, I could do so much more writing.

Hear, hear! Scar snuck up behind me this morning with a quotation from Robert Bolt's Man for All Seasons and images of mirrors and landslips, and suddenly I'm taking notes for YA character sketch ... but I'm finishing "Errands of the Eye" first. I mean it! I will not be moo-oo-ooved ... I will not be moo-oo-ooved ...

Never fear, you haven't missed the next installment of that story.

Yay!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I'd like to say that I was sure it was yours because of the style, but what I was actually remembering was reading it in the layout of your page (that distinct blueish background color).

Hey, however you remember the story...*grin* And if COM had written it, we're pretty much interchangeable. *shrug* We've been writing together off and on since the 80's, in one form or another.

[light-rises.livejournal.com]

Ah, well-written Winry introspection… ♥ One of my weaknesses, alas. And it still amazes me sometimes how deceptively simple, small, teasing snippets into a character's head can speak so much when the material suits the format. Hooray for drabbles and other various short forms of prose!

The understated approach to Ed/Win is much love, too—mostly because the narrative doesn't have Winry's line of thought fixated primarily on Ed (as I've seen some Ed/Win authors writing from Winry's POV do, and sometimes not to the best effect…), but rather gives the distinct impression that her life outside the Elric brothers is her immediate priority. She worries, of course, and those unresolved feelings toward Ed are always lurking just under the surface, but she doesn't remain lost in her thoughts for long stretches when she's got other things to tend to. I especially love how that comes across here.^^

*blinks*…I do believe "Voice Message" is giving me flashbacks to high school Anatomy. Good times. Gooood times. ;)

On a less tough-and-cheek note, though, I do agree that the second drabble is slightly garbled. The only specific that comes mind is that maybe the jump between the first two sentences and Winry's sketching is too jarring. It's as though they're a bit too far removed from the thoughts in sentence three onward, which all have a nice, natural flow from one into the next. Other than that (and even then I may be stretching *scratches head*)…again, author's discretion! :)

(*…suddenly realizes she never replied back to your comments on Tick-Tock* *facepalm* Ugh…sometimes, I wish school and work didn't thrash me so thoroughly as they have been of late. Sorry 'bout that. *sheepish grin*)

But, yes. On the whole, applause all around for some lovely introspective work here! *bows and also adds to the tobu_ishi love* :D

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Ah, well-written Winry introspection… ♥ One of my weaknesses, alas.

Seems to be a number of people's. I love getting lots and lots of comments. [hugs self and hums happily]

The understated approach to Ed/Win is much love, too—mostly because the narrative doesn't have Winry's line of thought fixated primarily on Ed (as I've seen some Ed/Win authors writing from Winry's POV do, and sometimes not to the best effect…), but rather gives the distinct impression that her life outside the Elric brothers is her immediate priority. She worries, of course, and those unresolved feelings toward Ed are always lurking just under the surface, but she doesn't remain lost in her thoughts for long stretches when she's got other things to tend to.

I agree. FMA's a shounen story and shounen romance does it with subtext, which I love. I have much more fun when I can drop hints and let the reader draw the conclusions (the Balance of Power (http://community.livejournal.com/c_b_s/) people will tell you that I'm a real nuisance when it comes to beta-reading: I keep insisting that they stop telling me things :-). And despite both Ed and Winry being sixteen at this point, relationships just aren't at the head of the queue for them, as they frequently aren't for people with a high-level talent. They're busy developing said talent (and Ed has other issues, of course, which is probably why he's slower off the blocks than she is -- in addition to being male, of course ;-).

On a less tough-and-cheek note, though, I do agree that the second drabble is slightly garbled. The only specific that comes mind is that maybe the jump between the first two sentences and Winry's sketching is too jarring.

That wasn't what was in the top of my mind, but once you said it I realized that it had been niggling me at the back. The causal connection between those two sentences was implicit and probably shouldn't be. Fortunately, I had a stray word I could sacrifice to add a "so" to the "Winry sketches" sentence that allows me to pivot (I hope) more gracefully from the narrator's voice (cribbing Biblical quotations -- what can I say? I'm an English major) to Winry's actions to her interior POV. Improved?

…suddenly realizes she never replied back to your comments on Tick-Tock* *facepalm*

No worries. I'm back in school myself this semester, taking Japanese 001. I haven't taken a course for a grade in [thinks] eleven years; I hadn't quite forgotten how much time homework eats out of one's life, though.

*bows and also adds to the tobu_ishi love* :D

tobu_ishi cannot get enough love, IMO. :-)

Peace!

[light-rises.livejournal.com]

I love getting lots and lots of comments. [hugs self and hums happily]

Feedback is love, and deservedly prone to giving folks the warm and fuzzies. ^^

FMA's a shounen story and shounen romance does it with subtext, which I love. I have much more fun when I can drop hints and let the reader draw the conclusions (the Balance of Power people will tell you that I'm a real nuisance when it comes to beta-reading: I keep insisting that they stop telling me things :-).

Heh, much agreement there! I find that I tend to gravitate toward stories that have "a little bit of everything" anyway (provided that most of those elements are done well and come together cohesively), and I'm also usually not big on romance-centric stories unless they blow me away with strong characterization and/or the discreetness with which the romance is approached (allowing that different pairings require different levels of subtlety). As much as I enjoy Ed/Win and would like to see those two happy together, I'll take The Alchemologist -- bittersweet, unrequited love and all -- any day over most of the fluffy fics I've come across. As you said, both Winry and Ed have enough on their plates as it is for various reasons, and Ed has his own share of personal demons/issues he needs to come to grips with before he's even ready for that sort of relationship. (On the plus side, though, his manga counterpart seems to be in better mental shape towards this end than in the anime, so there's hope for the boy yet!) So for me, a decent level of subtlety makes much more sense in pairing these two, especially in animeverse.

(And personally, it wouldn't break my heart if Ed and Winry never got together -- their friendship [Al included!] as this tight-knit group of pseudo-siblings is wonderful and interesting as it is, and whether referring to Arakawa's or Mizushima's version of the story, romance is not FMA's focus or core anyway. Which may be why one of my "FMA Thou Shalt Not's" goes: "Thou shalt not write long and involved Ed/Win fics which give the impression that Al (a) is unimportant or (b) never existed. Winry cares deeply about both Elric brothers however you interpret their relationship, and to dismiss Ed and Al's strong fraternal bond -- which is the heart and soul of both manga and anime -- even in the context of a romance effectively removes an essential cornerstone of canon.")

…And here's where I say, "WHOA TANGENT O_O," and claim the need for cathartic release. :D;; Must be an effect of lurking for far too long. Must be. *hides*

That wasn't what was in the top of my mind, but once you said it I realized that it had been niggling me at the back.

*wipes brow* Good to know I wasn't just grasping at straws with that! And yes, I'd say the flow is much improved now. :)

...Waitaminnit, I wrote "tough-and-cheek"?! Have NO idea how I missed that before posting. O_o;;

No worries. I'm back in school myself this semester, taking Japanese 001. I haven't taken a course for a grade in [thinks] eleven years; I hadn't quite forgotten how much time homework eats out of one's life, though.

Hey, you're learning a language that has no basis in Latin whatsoever, and (IIRC) has a grammatical structure completely different from English, so you have all my respect. Good luck with that course!

tobu_ishi cannot get enough love, IMO. :-)

*grins* When someone can write a piece as lovely as Elysium (Glee!) and also have the guts to pen the ruthless but brilliant Catharsis (OHGODNO. D:), I'm inclined to agree.

Eep! And it seems you've indirectly reminded me that I have yet to join winrylovers. *hugs comm* Thank ye!

[tobu-ishi.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. When I saw my name, I froze. When I read the drabbles, I melted. Very, very well done; with each theme distinct, and the romance crisp and poignant but not overdone, and the sort of tiny accurate observations of characterization and setting that make a theme pop with life. You make every word count.

What a gift, love, though you give me far too much credit. Thank you so much. ♥

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. When I saw my name, I froze. When I read the drabbles, I melted.

Sign of a true writer: even editorial comments use neatly balanced metaphors. :-) I've mentioned it before, but I do enjoy making dedications. It's almost as much fun figuring out which piece suits whom as it is writing them in the first place.

You make every word count.

The praise of the praiseworthy ... nothing like a drabble to force one to think about one's words. The picture in "Disconnected" must have mutated through four or five different forms as I dumped cliche after cliche (it's hard not to use them when you're describing the scene on every other complimentary bank calendar). I'm still worried about "brooding", though it's hanging in there on the grounds that the landscape, in a pathetic-fallacy way, is supposed to be very gently reflecting the worries Winry isn't allowing to the top of her mind.

What a gift, love, though you give me far too much credit. Thank you so much.

You're most welcome, but I always give just the right amount of credit. Ask the people I beta-read for [wry] ...

Peace.1

[c-b-syndrome.livejournal.com]

And I continue to worship at your feet and envy your drabble skills. Alas, I'm not that talented. I love these and they -do- put some more bunnies into the mix for further exploration in a later project ;)

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on: you can do it! (Some of the episodes on The Ducky List (http://community.livejournal.com/cbs_crackfic/5154.html), frex, would make excellent drabble bunnies.) And do get up off your knees: remember, I'm about to come down like a tonnabricks on chapter 21 and you'll need to be ready to heave them back at me. Even catchers stand up to throw out runners ... [aside] Go Cardinals! [/aside]

I love these and they -do- put some more bunnies into the mix for further exploration in a later project ...

I anticipate with pleasure. And I'm looking forward to more BoP Winry, as appropriate (which you may have gathered from some of my comments about the putative A:3).

Peace!

[peppermintwords.livejournal.com]

Nice :).

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :-)

[goldensniper.livejournal.com]

I must agree with the others, you are awesome at writing these small Fics!
Please continue the good work. =D

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Thanks! My heart's really in the longer stuff -- ask me about my post-manga Al-in-Xing story, which looks more and more possible the more I write, despite being novel-length -- but the nice thing about the short forms (besides the writing exercise) is that they get done faster. Nothing eggs me on like accomplishment. :-)

[light-rises.livejournal.com]

Xing? Post-manga? AL? BZUH?!

*cough* That is to say, you have my interest.



It may or may not be worth noting that I recall having a similar reaction (particularly the "Al" and "BZUH" parts) to your mention of a possible post-movie WWII thriller/romance. Apparently, my radar for finding -- or at least hoping for -- good Al-centric stories has been unusually strong as of late. XD;;;

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Xing? Post-manga? AL? BZUH?!

Oh, dear. I don't want to raise hopes, because the Al-in-Xing story has a late plot hole I haven't yet figured out how to resolve and in general intimidates me on grounds of length (I've never yet managed to complete a novel-length piece). Then there's all the research issues (which start with architecture, costume, food, science and music and just ramify out in all directions. Yiigh.). But I do find myself coming back to the idea in my leisure moments. It starts with the backstory proposition that the price Ed pays to restore himself and Al is his ability to perform alchemy. Al, on the other hand, retains his alchemical talents, and has become fascinated by Xing's rentanjutsu. The brothers have a clash of PTSDs -- Ed flailing around a little, trying to figure out what to do with his life now and trying not to be jealous of Al; Al wanting to practice alchemy but uneasily aware of how much it hurts his brother to watch, coping with the psychological aftermath of his own ordeal and trying not to "act sick" around his brother, lest Ed lose what sense of victory he has -- so Al decides the best thing he can do is leave for a while. He pulls some strings, acquires permission to study abroad, gets his Xingese up to speed at a Central University course for aspiring diplomats, and heads off for one of the Empire's moderately-sized cities to apprentice himself to a master there.

But when the story actually begins, a year or so into his apprenticeship, Al's having trouble. He seems happy enough, wandering through the market, greeting people, enjoying the early spring weather, but all is not well. He's hit a wall in his comprehension of rentanjutsu and his progress has stalled. He's also having screaming nightmares that upset the equilibrium of the entire household; they're kind to him about it, but it shames him and it's starting to grate on everyone's nerves. Meanwhile, the master of the house has called his youngest daughter, Meizhi, home from her studies at the Imperial Academy of Music and she's furious. All she's ever wanted to be is a court musician, despite her middle-class family's disapproval (court musicians don't have the best moral reputation) and only the support of her eldest brother, a magistrate with court connections through his wife, has enabled her to pursue her dream. But she can't ignore her father's summons, and now he introduces her to Al, explaining that she will play for him at night so that he can sleep properly. Cue appalled looks from the two youngsters ... neither of whom have any idea what this therapeutic alliance is going to precipitate them into. Because the Empire is preparing for its Grand Census and the cut-throat politics of that event reach every corner of Xingese society ...

And now I sound like a blurb writer. :-) I've made all kinds of plot notes for this story and acted entire scenes out in my head (including the big action sequence that culminates in a low-speed chase through the sewers), but I haven't actually written anything down yet. I'm not sure I ever will. But every now and then I page another book on Qing-era China from the University's Museum library and take another page of cultural notes, so who knows?

Peace!

[light-rises.livejournal.com]

And now I sound like a blurb writer. :-)

*laughs* Just a tad, maybe, but it's a very intriguing blurb nonetheless. I agree about the ambitiousness of the project though, now that I know more about it -- so much to juggle all at once (hooray for political intrigue and authors who deal with post-restoration!Al and Ed to the effect that all isn't sunshine and flowers...and is that a David/King Saul parallel I see there?), and the research...*boggles* Needless to say, I can understand if this story never comes to fruition.

...Alternatively, I may very well be among the first to "squee" if I ever see a chapter of this surface online. So... *crosses fingers* XD