Filk: Death Rays Are A Girl's Best Friend (Jule Styne / Leo Robin)

[nebroadwe]

The other day the webcomic Girl Genius posted its latest installment, which I shall not spoil for those who have not yet seen it. Suffice it to say that I was inspired thereby to filk the song "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" from the musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, with the following results:

The French were bred to die for love --
They delight in fighting duels.
But I prefer a man who lives
Because he has the proper tools.

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
But death rays are a girl's best friend.
A kiss may be grand but it's still supplemental
To electrostat- [FX: ZZT!] ic shocks that fell a giant rat.
Men grow cold as girls grow old
And we may lose our wits in the end;
Photonic, acoustic,
As long as it's got kick,
A death ray is a girl's best friend.

(TPU ... Hive engine?!  Mr. Tock ... Battle clank ...
Talk to me, Tarsus Beetle, tell me all about it!)

There may come a time when you're stalking a rev'nant;
Then death rays are a girl's best friend.
There may come a time when the heir of a tyrant
Thinks that you're the one,
But get that gun while he's still stunned.
He's your guy when wasps are nigh:
To each one with a sword he'll attend.
But when they start swarming, the odds are alarming
And death rays are a girl's best friend!

To hike through the wastes all alone is moronic,
So bring along the girl's best friend!
And do keep it close for it would be ironic
To have it snatched by some crosspatch and be dispatched.
Time rolls on and youth is gone
And you can't see to tell foe from friend.
But presby- or myopic,
You know what does the trick ...

Death rays ... Death rays ...
(Or maybe dingbots ... )
No, death rays are a girl's best friends!
If you haven't seen the film with Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe (sending up their pin-up girl personas with a vengeance!) or read the book by Anita Loos, do find a copy of either (or both!) and settle in for an enjoyable evening. If you haven't read Girl Genius yet, head over here and catch up with one of the most enjoyable serial stories currently running on the Internet.

Crossposted to girlgenius_lab.

Comments

[nateprentice.livejournal.com]

Off your medication again, I see....

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Ha! As if I was ever on any!

[1dancingblade.livejournal.com]

I just love it! Great idea, I must say. I am almost tempted to print it and stick it on my wall. (Death rays are a girl's best friend...*laughs* Oh, if we lived in Agatha's world fashion would be much more interesting!)

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Interesting in the Chinese curse sense, certainly. :-) Myself, I'd probably be accessorizing with death-ray-deflecting undergarments, but each to his/her own taste.

[1dancingblade.livejournal.com]

Death-ray-deflecting undergarments! :D I'd love to see that, although it doesn't sound like an easy-to-wash thing. It sounds like a must-wear for Gilgamesh, though! Y'know, with all those enemies, Agatha's death-ray fetih and all that.
A mirror in a bracelet would be my choice. (I just love the classics!) In GG world, there should be rings that produce electrostatic fields which deflect the radiation of the death ring or sth, but it's weird to walk around in an invisible armor all the time. But mainly, it wouldn't be fair for the people with the death rays :p

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Death-ray-deflecting undergarments! :D I'd love to see that, although it doesn't sound like an easy-to-wash thing.

There's a Foglio background shop waiting to be drawn here for something like Deek's Dry Cleaning -- Collars Starched, Breeches Hemmed, Death-Ray Deflecting Undergarments Laundered. Survival Guaranteed Or Your Money Back. :-)