Random: If a stranger comes to town ...

[nebroadwe]

Sniggled from Making Light, as usual -- the "Urban Arrivals" post by Abi Sutherland:

A story starts when somebody comes to town.

      * If they’re a long-lost denizen of the town, it’s a Thomas Hardy novel.
      * If they’re a long-lost denizen of the town whom no one recognizes until someone dies of spontaneous human combustion, it’s a Charles Dickens novel.
      * If they leave town again, it’s a Cory Doctorow novel.
      * If they are in want of a wife, it’s a Jane Austen novel.
      * If they come to town in the company of a strange set of locals and go to meet the guy in charge, it’s Shane. Or possibly The Wizard of Oz.
      * If the denizens of the town are not of their species, it’s a first contact novel.
      * If it was their destiny to come to the town in quest of a magical artifact which will cause them to defeat a great evil upon the land, it’s heroic fantasy.
      * If they meet a lot of vampires there, it’s urban fantasy.
      * If there are plums involved, it’s Making Light.
      * If their ethnicity is mentioned, it’s a joke.

Said post is of course followed up by an epic comment thread with the kind of suggestions that make me laugh out loud at work:

      * If it's Lenten, and it's come with loue to toune, with blosmen and with briddes roune, then it's sung by someone crossed in love in fourteenth-century England.
      * If he has killed the local Sphinx en route, he is one bad mother-[redacted].
      * If it's a town that everyone comes to, but nobody is from it, and everybody wants to leave it, it's "Casablanca".
      * If the arrival is a mysterious supernatural woman who has come for the sake of a poor but virtuous maiden, it's probably a fairytale. Or A Wrinkle In Time. If it's a mysterious supernatural man who has come for the sake of a poor but virtuous maiden, it's a Child ballad, and the maiden should run like hell.

And so forth. Share and enjoy!

ETA: How could I miss the most important one?

* If the stranger appears with others in a shimmer of light and is wearing a red shirt, don't stand near him.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I think I love the last one an awful lot. :D

[seawasp]

Except it should end "and the maiden should get her Xena on."

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I don't recall "getting your Xena on" as an option in most Child ballads. "Following the bastard through Hell and high water until you can rat him out to his liege lord" is about as close as it gets. (Counter-evidence welcomed -- I don't have the entire Child oeuvre at my fingertips.)

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Not that I object to the concept of getting one's Xena on in the face of a mysterious supernatural man, of course. It's one of the reasons I prefer Jim Hines to Stephenie Meyer.

[seawasp]

It may not be an option in the OLD ballads, but I see no reason that we can't recognize that times have changed and young maidens can be Xena, Buffy, or a young Honor Harrington.

Similarly, in the folk songs I'm familiar with, young ladies should avoid any relationships with young men named "Willie", as this generally ends badly.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Or blacksmiths in general, as they only seem to want sex, and rarely to marry the maiden whom they've deflowered afterward.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

And forget about the beauties of sisterhood (Binnorie, o Binnorie ...).

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Well, if one wasn't light and the other dark, most of the time....

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

And there weren't a MAN in the neighborhood -- if a stranger comes to town and begins courting your sister, get a good lawyer on retainer.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Or lock up both of your daughters, so they're not likely to fall in love and possibly murder each other.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

That just leads to another ballad, I think. A good lawyer, on the other hand, would make absolute hash out of the evidence of the harp, all hearsay once it's been broken. I call that a design flaw.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Yes, but if you can keep the two daughters from murdering each other....

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

... one of 'em turns up pregnant after a particularly sunny afternoon and the other lets a friggin' prince into her bedroom by her hair, I tellya, kids these days, more trouble than they're worth ...

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

CHASTITY BELTS, ALL OF 'EM NEED CHASTITY BELTS.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! NOW, YOU JUST THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, YOUNG LADY! AND TAKE THAT ROSE WITH YOU -- YOU WANTED IT SO MUCH, YOU CAN WATER IT YOURSELF!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

AND PAY NO ATTENTION TO IT WILTING...THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

JUST GO PLAY BALL WITH THE OTHER 23 GIRLS AND WE'LL FIND A NICE HUMAN BOY FOR YOU TO MARRY.

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

AND BE SURE NOT TO DROP ANY GOLD BALLS INTO THAT SPRING OVER THERE....

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

It may not be an option in the OLD ballads, but I see no reason that we can't recognize that times have changed and young maidens can be Xena, Buffy, or a young Honor Harrington.

Whee, yes! And all the advice-dispensing mother-figures can be Cordelia Vorkosigan or Lilith Clay.

[seawasp]

Indeed. My forthcoming epic fantasy has a young maiden of the above mold, and her aunt doing the advising is a former adventurer herself and a Badass Grandma.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Sign me up! :-)