Untitled #9

[nebroadwe]

Overnight the wind
Stripped the Norway maples bare.

Now chattering leaves
Cross rimed streets against the light,
Chasing the children to school.

[Crossposted to just_tanka here.]

Comments

[terracottabones.livejournal.com]

Lovely!

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

It attacked me on the bus on the way home from an artist's book exhibit. Not being a tanka expert, I'm worried that it divides after the first two lines instead of the first three -- must go and look up structural constraints and learn more. And "rimed" isn't quite the right word for its position, but it's the best I could come up with (after discarding "damp" and "gray"). Still, I'm glad you liked it.