Random: Everyone has an opinion of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight

I had one myself, once (I think it was, "I'm not the target audience for this stuff."). But the_red_shoes has a sharpened spork of an opinion which she proceeds to drive straight through the book, leaving it to writhe horribly and return to dust as the sun rises over Castle Dracula LiveJournal, thus:

DAMMIT NOW I WANT A SPARKLY UNDEAD ENORMOUS POUF OF A PERPETUAL SAVIOR WHOSE CHEST HAS AN UNBEARABLY SWEET FRAGRANCE, IF FOR NOTHING ELSE THAN TO RESCUE ME FROM THIS DAMN NARRATIVE.

Some days I enjoy dispassionate analysis, some days I want snark. This is one of those days ...