Poetry: Untitled #16

[nebroadwe]

Pale in the gray dawn,
a frozen puddle preserves
night's scattered snowflakes.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Oooooo.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i like this a lot

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Except it isn't quite right, dagnabit. I need more words to express the brownish (shading through grayish to whitish) color of the ice and the lumpy quality of the surface, but it's a haiku and I don't have them. Argh!

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Thanks. (I hope this means I'm coming out of the latest writing slump -- I really need to get some more stuff done.)

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

So make it a two-part haiku. Problem solved. :D

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

tell me about it (well not for fandom but for the other stuff...)

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you're heading in the right direction, though.

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

No, no -- see, the way that works is somebody brings the sake, and then you write a haiku in response to my haiku, and then I write one back in response to yours, and we keep going until the sake runs out or we can't form characters with the brush anymore. Which will take some time for me, because I hate sake.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I just need more discipline

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see you can hear the voices in my head. (Sigh.)

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

So, no sake for sake's sake?

*ducks*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

ha

[nebroadwe.livejournal.com]

Bad pun! Bad pun! No biscuit!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

*cackles*